I stay LA

In my car looking at the moon. I know cannot leave like this without sacrifice there is no victory.


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Life over death. ( Breaking the Toilet)

The one night many of friends remember as a joke is the night that I saw my own fragility. I had the note in my pocket explaining my reasons for my decision. I had not learned to embrace my sexuality and my strong human longing for answers. The answer was easy, drink until I died. Waking up the next morning disappointed because of my own weakness to accomplish anything even this. Like a sick twist I woke up to the news of a friends death. I haven't been able to truly face my family, friends or myself since then. Sadly it was not my last attempt. Now I live with this, reminding me of my weakness my strength my life.


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Moving House

I sit here alone looking at same branch. The cold creeping inside the car wrapping around me. I'm indifferent about it by now. It has been nearly a year since I took up my moving house. I've learned a lot about myself, life and the world around me. Some might say that it is unfortunate what happened to me but i would not change. To have no one to comfort me or hold to physically has taught me to trust and accept myself. Secondly I learned to appreciate those around me. I wrap myself in my sleeping bag and prepare for another cold night. This is where I am in my life but it is not who I am.


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A dream in the past ( random)

Im waking  up to two birds chirping on a branch, I am able to see them through the window. I couldn’t move or I was unable. It seemed like it was in the middle of summer. I try to pull myself up but for some reason my arms and legs do not seem to move that well. I don't have the strength to pull myself up. Then it all comes rushing to my head. I am a baby"

The third day, the third eye

Yesterday was my third attempt of meditating and opening my third eye. I forgot to blog about my second which did not go to well. I was distracted and did not give my full attention. The third time around was amazing!!! This time I felt like I only had one eye. It wasn't like vision but like I felt what I was seeing through my senses. . If that makes sense. The closes thing I can relate to is, comic book hero daredevil vision. I was able to see and feel my environment!!! I did not want to break away but I also want to take it in small steps. Any one Else experience this!!

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I see

My first night of meditation my attempt was to try and awaken my third. Although I have read on it. I went into it a bit blindly. No pun intended.

I focused on the spot between my eyes. Taking in big Breaths, closing my eyes and letting my mind go on it's own. I don't know if its normal on the first attempt to see and feel something. I had a tingling sensation between my eye soon after I began to see flashes of light. At first I thought someone was flashing a light at me. I saw colors and felt like never before. I'm exciting to continue and looking forward to my next session.

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Embracing the future?

We live life meeting people, making new friends. We accept that friends come and go. I recently reassured my myself that this is a natural part of life. I accept that people have their own lives and will follow their paths. Does it get any easier? I still feel much sadness when they leave. Do I really have to accept this. It just seems like I'm losing my self by growing up. Would not mind experience from others or opinions.


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