THe Enjoyment of succeeding

Although i do want to things on my accord - i cant help but be fueled by competition. It is not the drive that keeps me going till the end of the project it is the spark most of the time.It is completing and expressing myself that keeps me coming. Today was a successful day of character designing. Stoked for tomorrows session Lord Kong

Why i do this art thing

Like many others i struggle to express my true self to the world and the people around me. I've tried writing, drawing, speaking and by taking up hobbies. I have not stuck to one thing and that it because i was always afraid to fail. I choose to draw not because i am forced or because i want to be like someone else. I draw because i want to express who i am.

Staring into my salvation

I have let fear control my entire life. It has stropped me from fully submerging myself in skating, biking, art, holding a relationship and keeping friendships. I am nothing but hope and no action. My strength has not left me and for that i am thankful. I have always fought with myself to liberate myself from this problem but i have not succeeded. Maybe looking at the problem not as a problem but a part of me that i need to examine. Analyze the origin of my fear.  People say i have eyes that look like they are always thinking - it is more like I'm trying to find the key to my salvation.

The Hatred/Fear I carry

I like many others don't like to be judged - I like many others don't like to be talked about their backs - Why do I have it in my head that that everyone around me is doing those exact things. I am not the person I thought I was - I am losing to the things that I thought I had gained control in Santa Monica. Now that I have to Lancaster it seems that the problems I had left those years ago were never gone but I stayed there waiting for me to return. These weeks have been the hardest at regaining what I had worked for all these years. At this moment I do not trust anyone I also do feel a connection to anyone. It just seems that it going to be harder in Lancaster because It is where it all started. strength, hope, dreams, faith in myself and my humanity.

No Ambition

I don't have ambition to work

I have no ambition to love

I have no ambition to care

I have no ambition to become part of this society

I have no talent

I do not make the world a better place

I don't matter to this world

I don't want to let you down 

I want to be feel alive

I don't wan to be chained to these none existent ambitions

Then why don't i want to die

Then why don't i want to be forgotten

My ambition comes from having no ambition